Updated: Sep 4, 2020
Our relationship with our Self – our whole Self – is the most important starting point where all else follows; and where all else are tools to becoming more whole. The more whole we are, the more grounded we are in the present moment, and all else flows seamlessly from our spirit being. Everything in our external world reflects who we are and how we feel. Below, I share the story of how I healed an aspect of myself through a relationship and how I gained a valuable perspective that I now use for myself and others.
Relationship Healing Through Spiritual Counselling
I had a friend who I had known for many years. I started to notice that I would get anxious every time she would reach out to meet up. My anxiety would get worse and I could not understand why. Last year, while studying at the Holistic Healing College I decided to view our relationship from a spiritual perspective to understand it at a deeper level.
I chose to meet her at soul-level while practicing a Relationship Cord Balancing visualization. She appeared in front of me to my left and the energetic cord was attached from my left hand to her right hand. I set the intention to cut the unhealthy aspects of the cord, however, I found it very difficult to cut this energetic cord full-stop. I started to feel disturbed by the connection because I could not cut it. I went from wanting to cut only the unhealthy aspect to wanting to cut the whole thing! At that moment, the vibration of the cord changed, got more intense, and it felt like she did not want to let go.
What I was able to observe from our connection is that she was giving and I was receiving in a very unhealthy way. The left side of the body is associated with our divine feminine energies that represent our intuition, our nurturing and creative side. The right side of the body is associated with the divine masculine energies which represent stability, foundation, and support.
When these energies are in balance we feel supported and nurtured in our own space. However, when they are unbalanced, a person who does not feel fully supported can create a distorted attachment to the other based on fear and the fear can be fueled by insecurity. At some level my friend may have been scared to lose the support she was getting from me and I felt guilty not being there for her. What I noticed is that the energetic support that she required was a lot greater than what I could give her. I was yet to gain the awareness and build the self-confidence to see that by holding on I was disempowering myself and her.
No one can help anyone who is not ready to help themselves. Deep down I knew and still know she is a beautiful soul – as we all are – but seeing their beauty when they cannot see it for themselves is not a reason to stay in a relationship. The connection was based on a negative emotion from both our ends. It was taxing on my energy and it disempowered her to seek her own help; and it kept me from creating the balanced space to welcome new and healthy connections.
I read an interesting metaphor that described the difference between empathy and compassion that I feel described the situation really well. Empathy is equivalent to throwing yourself in the pool of water to save someone from drowning. You throw yourself in to meet them at their energetic space. This way of being can be viewed by many in society as the righteous thing to do, but is it?
Compassion on the other hand is where you reach for a pole and hand it to them so they can make their way out of the pool in their own time. It is their choice to swim to safety and help themselves. It is not and it never was my responsibility to save my friend and by doing so I was being of dis-service to her.
That weekend, at the Holistic Healing College, I released and healed all the emotions I had kept inside – all of them occupying energetic space. The scenes popped up with such clarity in my mind for me to see them all as a theme and pattern. Even though uncomfortable moments would seem insignificant on their own (and not a big deal), when added up through the years they can manifest as emotions such as anxiety.
The experience I share above, is an example of spiritual counselling where by doing the deep inner work one takes responsibility for their own actions and choices without blaming another. Everyone is a beautiful soul on their own healing journey. I have learned that the more inner work we do, the stronger and clearer we become in our own being and therefore anything inauthentic in our lives will eventually fall away because there is no room for it.
Thanks to this experience and level of awareness, a few more inauthentic connections started to fall away months after this module. I was given the tools to understand why certain emotions were coming up to be seen and where I was being inauthentic with myself. The more we hold onto things that we need to let go, the more energy we give it. The more energy we give it, the more space it then occupies within our energetic field. Eventually we then start feeling overwhelmed with the unwanted energy. This feeling of feeling overwhelmed, in my case, led to anxiety. I believe that by healing myself, I was also healing my friend. How that unfolds in her life is her journey.
This experience has helped me learn the power of spiritual counselling, the power of healing ourselves and how that extends to others we are linked to energetically; and most importantly learning when a relationship ends and how to walk away without fear or guilt. When we heal we are shifting and changing our energetic flow like a dance of energy through time and space; releasing, removing, and transmuting to evolve and become the best version of ourselves. We heal our various unhealed parts to become more whole and empowered.
Where in your relationships are you being inauthentic with yourself?