Re-membering My Heart
Updated: May 3, 2022
September 2017 - Retreat in Northumberland, United Kingdom
In 2017, I went on a retreat in Northumberland. One day, I picked up a book on sacred symbols and read the following about the heart in ancient Egyptian culture:
“In ancient Egypt, the heart was the only organ left in the body after mummification. It was regarded as the center of the human being, the place of intelligence and wisdom, and indispensable for life in eternity. The ancient Egyptians believed that the heart of a dead person held the essence of truth.”
When I read this, I got very emotional. A few months earlier, I had a Past Life Regression session, where the life I visited ended traumatically with the removal of my heart. When I regressed through hypnosis, I found myself as a 10-year-old boy, scared, and walking through a forest. I then walked beyond the forest towards a large temple in an open space. I went inside the temple and noticed that it was empty. There was a large altar, so I went towards it and sat there waiting. While I waited, I looked around and noticed I was in a white, large, and empty space.
I did not re-live the scene of my death. At some point, I had skipped that part and was in the afterlife. As I waited, I noticed a tall, elegant, and loving being who did not look human enter the room and walk up to me. He put his arm around me, and we walked through a door and entered another space where we were joined by an infinite number of other beings like him. We started to fly away through a portal.
The hypnotherapist realized what was happening and asked me to go back and see what had happened. From above, I turned around and looked down at the scene, and I started crying. I was sobbing as I observed the 10-year-old boy lying dead on an altar in the big temple. The heart had been removed from his body. I could not visually see, but I could describe the scene in detail.
The hypnotherapist guided me back through that life for the remainder of the session to understand what had happened and gain a greater awareness of the lessons I agreed to experience before entering that life. I spoke to loved ones that I recognized at soul-level, understood the relevance in my current life, and walked away feeling grateful and happy for the healing journey I had just experienced. However, the trauma of “losing” my heart had a more significant impact on my soul that was not addressed in that session.
Healing my heart
October 2019 - Advanced Hypnotherapy Course, London
I was now a student in an advanced hypnotherapy course two years later. In the practice session, as the client, I was guided by another student hypnotherapist, and she guided me back to a specific time in my current life to learn when my tummy aches began. I went back in time until I reached the age of 10. I then went into that 'other' life again when I was a 10-year-old boy, but, like before, I was in the afterlife state as an observer.
The student hypnotherapist asked who I wanted to call in, and I answered, “My family.” I got emotional as my family arrived, the same tall, elegant, and loving beings I saw in the afterlife in 2017. They were taller than the average human and looked majestic in their stature. They had a single wing that spanned from the head to the feet, but it was attached to the arms and feet. Standing with their arms down by their side it resembled a robe. Their face was similar to that of a lion - although more narrow. I said to the student hypnotherapist, “I miss them so much.”
Then, these 'beings' spoke with reassurance and said, “The heart was not real. That life was not real. You did not lose your heart. You always have your heart. We are always with you.” I felt a massive emotional release at that moment as I sobbed. When the session ended and I ”came back”, I was surprised by my intense emotions and longing for a family and a home that was not of this world.
I also felt an expansiveness in my heart space that I had not felt before. Like I was breathing for the first time in my life, a new type of breath that felt fuller and richer. I noticed a tremendous amount of air flowing through me as I breathed so deeply and clearly – like my whole body was breathing in and out. It felt exhilarating. It felt like freedom.
Capturing the journey through art
The Eyes of Love, England 2018 - 2019
The first sketches that I began to draw were of the heart within the Merkaba (or star tetrahedron). Each version would get clearer and more precise, and I soon started seeing the correlation of the healing in my own heart space. The deeper my connection, the clearer my vision.
Within the star, I found a head forming out of the shape of a love heart – one heart going down and the other going up – overlapping to create two eyes. The red heart represents our physical heart, and the pink heart represents our spiritual heart. Surrounding the star is the Earth in the color green. The purple triangles are there to express our inner listening.
The deeper we connect to our heart space, the closer we are to our true essence, and the clearer our intuitive voice and in-sights. Our access to truth and inherent wisdom is open. The image captures our expanding awareness within our third-dimensional reality. We learn to see through our heart space, discern truth more clearly, and listen and trust our inner voice. Tuning into our heart space grounds us in the present moment and helps us reorient ourselves when we may be feeling out of balance or not connected with our true Self (our essence).
Healing the wound of separation
October 2017 - Life Between Life (LBL) Session, London
In the same year of the past life regression (June 2017) and the retreat in Northumberland (September 2017), I had a Life between Life session in October 2017. One of the things that I learned in that session is that I had blocked my third eye on purpose. When my spirit guides said, “It is time now to unblock it,” I got emotional because I didn’t want to, but I knew at a deeper soul-level that it was time to unblock my third eye.
I did not understand why I felt emotional with a sense of resistance back then. I had already been opening up to my intuitive abilities, so I found it interesting that I knew something (feeling the emotions of something) that I was not consciously aware of yet. I did not understand why I would get so emotional about unblocking my third eye.
I was yet to experience what it truly meant to be ‘connected’ with conscious awareness, and to experience the great responsibility that comes with being aware of all you say, do, think, and write; and the immediate impact it can have on your reality. While spiritual awakening can be incredibly rewarding, it is also one of the most challenging transitions we can go through in life because of the utmost integrity and authenticity one is called to align with.
For me, the ‘third eye’ is related to the expansion of our heart space – of our consciousness. It is an awareness that goes beyond the six senses, and it is an awareness that is infinite and unable to be described because it is always changing and expanding. Even when we are experiencing it, there are no words that can match the feeling of that experience. When we are "connected," we are continuously guided on our path, and the key is to listen.
We may start our journey relying on a guru, a healer, or a mentor. Eventually, we learn to listen to our Self. Everything around us is speaking to us as we ask the questions or think of the ideas – whether through the birds, the air, the friend, the stranger – we are all communicating because we are all connected. I see us all going through similar journeys as we create our reality on an individual and collective level, and each journey is so uniquely important and personal.
Time and time again, I am being called to go back within for the answers and stop looking for external validation – to stop conforming to the way I was taught or how we were taught throughout the centuries. As we expand in our awareness, so will all things that we have created, and so too will all the known structures in our lives start to change. It is already happening all around us, but we may resist, or blame others. When there is so much change happening around us; it is then that we must go within and connect to our essence to reorient ourselves back to the present moment, into our heart space, to understand, accept, and surrender to what we know to be true.
Integrating my heart
September 1987 - My parents travel to Spain
I have positive and happy memories of my family and life as a child. My parents experienced challenges, as many families do. Still, it was a happy childhood, so why did I miss and long for another home and family I had only recently become aware of through my subconscious mind?
My personal experiences have taught me that there is no ‘afterlife’. I know I am that other family in a different reality or dimensional space, a consciousness that also resides within me. However, there are others that I am remembering as well.
It is hard enough to think of ourselves, as humans, as a collective group of beings as a connected consciousness – let alone the myriad of other consciousness (energies) that resides within each of us. In other words, memories. I indeed find it challenging as I live my daily life; while trying to ground and embody all I see, feel, and do; especially juggling life as a mother and all the practicalities that motherhood brings.
Every day, my children (ages 3 & 6 at the time of writing in 2019) remind me of my humanity as they mirror my growth and wisdom and all the emotional triggers that come up to be healed. Our traumas (or imprints) come back to us in cycles to look at them from the many perspectives; as we heal the different vibrations of where the trauma resides. As we heal one layer, we may find that there may be a similar vibrational trauma we never knew we carried via our ancestral and cosmic lineages; or within our individual and collective traumas.
In this life, I am learning to connect with my heart space – my essence – without fear. The heart is my gateway, and it exists ad infinitum and cannot be taken away. I believe that freedom is when we can look at everything in our life, knowing that we chose all of it, and feel a sense of gratitude and unconditional love towards our Self for our choices. Loving our Self is at the heart of it All, and it naturally extends to all others, and not just to our fellow human brothers and sisters, but also to our environment, planet, and universe.
I now know that I am healing trauma from a life that is not real to learn to connect with my heart space without fear. Why is this important? Trauma is so complex (understatement of the year!). It feels real when we are going through it; when we are triggered repeatedly throughout our life, lives, and lifetimes – whether incarnations or imprints – incarnations on Earth or off-planet; imprints or memories we carry through our ancestors or borrow from others to learn. If we have not healed from it, it is feels real.
I chose to carry trauma of a life as an imprint on my soul so I could learn from it. Whose trauma did I start healing in 2017? How curious that in 1987, my parents went away for the first time on holiday for ten days without the children in September, the same month as the retreat in Northumberland in 2017.