Updated: Feb 4
The Conscious Use of Intuition
The first time I heard that we are all psychic was from my roommate, Veronica when we were both in College many years ago. While the possibility intrigued me, I didn't believe in that possibility. At the time, I thought that we were either born with the ability or not and my idea of psychic meant only being clairvoyant. Furthermore, many of my thoughts of psychics resembled conventional thinking, which was most often derived from movies or religious dogma.
Deep down, however, I felt that being psychic was fascinating, as I did most things related to the supernatural or ancient mysteries and traditions. I had read a few books by then on related topics. I always wanted to meet someone psychic, so I was delighted when Veronica moved in and told me she was clairvoyant!
My reaction was not the usual response she would get when she shared this information with others. She would never tell anyone she was clairvoyant, only those she lived with. Most people, she would say, would either laugh or run away in fear, thinking that she could see everything about their lives, which wasn't true.
Looking back, I find it quite telling of my personality that a psychic said I am psychic (that we all are), yet I did not believe this to be true for myself. Nevertheless, Veronica made me more aware of my intuition (gut feelings). Still, I did not understand what it truly meant to be psychic until I was experiencing it for myself with conscious awareness about 15 years later, in 2012.
Soho, London 2012
In June 2012, when I moved to England, I joined a yoga studio in central London. I had been practising yoga for a while, and wherever I moved, I always sought out yoga. The studio also offered holistic treatments and held workshops on mind, body, and spirit topics.
After a couple of months, I noticed a workshop coming up about psychic development. The workshop title was Developing our Awareness of Subtle Energy, and there was a short description below about learning about psychic abilities. My first thought was how cool such a topic exists in a "normal" and public space and that anyone could just sign up and attend! I signed up. [I had just moved from Washington, DC, to put things into context].
I arrived at the workshop, and I was feeling quite nervous. It was my first time going to anything "public" on the topic, and I felt odd. Until then, I had only spoken to my friend many years earlier and read a few related books, which I always kept to myself (I would literally cover my books with a book cover on my commutes). It was clear I had subconscious fears that I needed to face one day.
In 2009 while living and working in Pakistan, I bought myself a tarot deck and spent many months staring at the images and learning all about them. I was so fascinated by its symbology and wanted to understand it without any inclination to do more with them. I explored my interests privately and never outside of my personal sphere other than with Veronica. I always felt comfortable around her and was utterly fascinated by her stories. Outside of this safe space, however, I would react quite differently.
At the workshop, I sat towards the back, trying to hide. I felt like I was somewhere I wasn't supposed to be. The guy leading the workshop was very down-to-earth and funny, so I quickly felt at ease. He then explained what would happen throughout the day and how we would all be practising together.
I suddenly felt my face turn bright red because I was there to listen, not to participate! I wasn't psychic, and I kept repeating these words in my head. I was ready to raise my hand to excuse myself. However, at that moment, I whispered to the person next to me that this wasn't what I thought it would be because I was not there to practice. When the other person concurred and felt the same, I relaxed; I wasn't the only one, and thankfully, I ended up staying.
We were first guided in a visual meditation that took us through our chakras while connecting below to the Earth's centre and the sky. I had never meditated like this before. I would love it if a yoga teacher guided the relaxation in a visual around the body or breathwork, and I always felt incredibly relaxed and grounded. Meditative practices formed part of my yoga practice, such as pranayama, but meditation as such was not something I had sought out or considered before, so this was new to me.
However, in this meditation, something unlocked in me, and the connection I felt sent me into an automatic state of bliss. I felt my energetic body expanding and floating. It was the most incredible feeling. I had entered this state easily and automatically as if I had been practising for years. Surprised at what was happening and feeling, I also thought this was normal and that everyone experiences this in meditation.
When we finished the meditation, we were paired up to practice psychometry, which is basically where you hold a personal item of another person and you wait to see what information you get from that object. The woman I paired up with gave me her hair clip, which I held in my hand for a while. In my mind, I was repeating, "I can't do this. This is ridiculous. I have nothing to tell her".
At the same time, I was starting to feel quite sick from holding the hair clip, and I wanted to give it back to her. I was actually feeling nauseous. I began to feel embarrassed that this was what I was feeling. I started to wonder what was going on. Why was I so bothered by this woman's hair clip? I couldn't wait until the session was over so I could give it back to her.
We were then asked to share any thoughts and visions that would come to mind. I immediately apologized and told the woman that nothing had come up. While everyone else was sharing their experiences and validations out loud, I finally got the courage to tell her how I felt about her hair clip quietly. I was again very apologetic.
However, she responded, "So interesting that you say that because I normally keep this hair clip in a drawer in my desk at work. I usually never take it with me. I associate this hair clip with my job, and at the moment, I hate my job." She went on to explain how upset she was at work. This was my first conscious experience of clairsentience. My world and perception began to shift.
The rest of the day was full of stories like these, and one after the other, I was blown away by all the information, the feelings, and the visuals I could pick up from the various people I worked with. I did not know there were so many different psychic abilities. We receive information in so many different ways! And our way of expressing that information was just as diverse and unique.
Since everything is energy (including our thoughts), I received information from others when I connected with their energy field at the workshop. Our thoughts carry emotions and feelings that are felt by others. We experience this daily, but we are only sometimes aware of or attuned to it. This information is processed through our different intuitive abilities, such as seeing (clairvoyant), knowing (claircognizant), sensing (clairsentient), and hearing (clairaudient), among others.
When we connect deeply within ourselves, we can sense the subtle energy all around us, connecting us to each other and our environment. We have all the psychic ways of receiving information, but some abilities are stronger than others. We are like tuning forks, refining, filtering and processing information over time. The clearer our vessel, the clearer the information and ability to discern.
The story and information I share could seem normal and obvious to many. Still, it was novel to me and exciting because it was the beginning of my journey of understanding myself better. I had always believed there was something wrong with me for feeling, thinking, or knowing certain things others did not feel, think or know.
It took me years to unravel and truly understand that we are all psychic beings with our unique form of expression that, with time, becomes futile to label and define. Through certain societal structures, paradigms and belief systems, we were kept from the most powerful (and empowering) tool to our sovereign being – developing our awareness of subtle energy.
Nurturing My Medicine
Despite all that I was learning and experiencing, fear crept in. A week after the workshop, my husband and I were off to Venice, Italy, to celebrate our friend's twentieth wedding anniversary. I did not understand at the time the impact that opening up my energy field would have on me and how to manage it. I became incredibly sensitive, and on top of that, I was surrounded by water in Venice, which I would later learn enhanced my intuitive abilities.
One morning, over breakfast, our friend was speaking about work and a meeting he had recently been to. Although there was nothing that he was saying that would point to something negative, I started to sense tremendous sadness and had to excuse myself. I had no idea where these emotions were coming from. I returned to the hotel room and felt emotions around a situation at work that my husband would go through.
I was in tears and didn't understand precisely why I was feeling so distraught, but I mentioned it in detail to my husband, who thought I was overreacting, and that the scenario I was describing was not true. Three months later, things unfolded as I had felt and described them. However, in Venice, I felt them as if they were happening at that moment, which is why it was confusing yet so real. This experience was the first of many I started to identify as a pattern. I explore it again in 2022 in my article Inner Integrity.
I felt an event that the others were not aware of yet. I felt as if my husband would be thrown under a bus (metaphorically speaking). I started to realise that I had experienced things like this most of my life and started remembering how intuitive I had been as a child, but since I thought I was 'causing' things to happen, fear and self-doubt would creep in.
Over the years, I created blockages to protect myself since I had always been told that I was being "too emotional" or "overreacting" to a person or situation. I would then feel confused and wonder if something was wrong with me. How can one prove a feeling about something that others are not yet aware of and you may not be around to witness or validate? A feeling or emotional reaction that is dismissed, denied, or laughed at over and over can chip away at anyone's self-esteem.
As a mother of two children, I can see how easily this can happen. I observe how intuitive all children are, including my own, and how a parent unaware of the subtleties can easily dismiss what a child perceives and feels. Many, like myself, did not learn about intuitive abilities and subtle energy early on in life. This knowledge and wisdom did not form part of the educational structure of mainstream society, nor did it exist in the cultural pockets I was raised.
Furthermore, we were only taught in linear time, which is helpful. However, time experienced in our third-dimensional reality is experienced differently when we tap into subtle energy and other dimensional spaces. If we were all taught about this openly as part of our educational or cultural upbringing, there wouldn't be fear or limiting beliefs around this topic. We would all embrace, appreciate, and nurture our many talents. Ultimately it doesn't matter why and where things may have gone wrong in the past; what matters is what we know today and what we will do about it.
The experience in Venice was an important validation for me. I ended up witnessing the emotional turmoil that took place months later, including the behaviour and actions of my colleagues. The experience helped me understand myself better, but what is my purpose for sensing events in this way? How can I use this as a tool to serve others? And how can I discern more clearly between the present and the future?
These are not easy answers and have taken time to unfold with clarity. They remind me of the words I read by Rebecca Campbell in her books that being too much of anything can, in fact, be alchemized into medicine for the world. How we learn to navigate the unknown and nurture our medicine shifts and evolves over time and can become easier to navigate.
I share this story because opening up energetically may not be easy for everyone and can be pretty confusing, lonely, and even 'scary' when all we have learned or sensed is fear around the topics of psychics and the unknown. As we move through our fears, more and more is known and available to us. Over the year, I have learned, healed and shifted so much that writing about this today and sharing my experience from many years ago feels like I am writing about another person!
Venice was where I conceived my first child, so aside from the validating visions and emotions, I have fond memories of my time there. It does not escape me that my son was born the following year in the watery sign of Cancer with strong emotions and remarkable clairvoyant abilities and potential that I will help nurture as best as I possibly can.
Becoming aware of subtle energy – developing, recognising, accepting, learning, and embracing it – without fear helps us see things in our life more clearly, without illusion. It is a step forward to welcoming all aspects of who we are.