Freedom – A Journey To Re-Membering My Heart
Updated: Aug 11
In 2017, when I was on a retreat, I picked up a book on sacred symbols and read the following about the heart in ancient Egyptian culture:
In ancient Egypt, the heart was the only organ left in the body after mummification because it was regarded as the center of the human being, the place of intelligence and wisdom, and indispensable for life in eternity. The ancient Egyptians believed that the heart of a dead person held the essence of truth.
When I read this I started crying. A few months before the retreat, I had a past life regression session. In the life that I visited, I found myself as a 10 year old boy, scared, and walking through a forest. I then walked beyond the forest and found myself in an open space walking towards a large temple. I went inside and it was empty. I sat on the altar and while I waited I looked around noticing how large, empty, and white the space felt. While I waited, I didn’t know that I had already died in that life.
I did not re-live the scene of my death. I had skipped that part and was in the after-life. A tall, elegant, and loving being who did not look human walked up to me and put his arm around me. We left through a door and joined an infinite number of other beings just like him. We started to fly away through a portal.
The hypnotherapist realized what was happening and asked me to go back and see what had happened. I turned around and looked down at the scene; and I started crying. I cried and cried as I observed the 10 year old boy lying dead on an altar in the big temple. The heart had been removed from his body. I was not able to visually see everything, but I was able to describe in detail all that I could see.
The hypnotherapist guided me through that life for the remainder of the session to understand what happened and why; and to gain a greater awareness of the lessons I agreed to experience before entering that life. I spoke to loved ones that I recognized at soul-level, understood the relevance in my current life, and walking away feeling grateful and happy for the healing journey I had just experienced. However, the reason I died in that life is another story in itself, but the trauma of losing my heart had a greater impact on my soul which was not addressed in that session.
The Eyes of Love
Two years later, I was now a student in an advanced hypnotherapy course, and I was being guided to go back to a specific time in my current life. I reached the age of 10 which was, apparently, when my tummy aches began. I then went into that “other” life again where I was a 10 year old boy, but, like before, I was in the after-life state as an observer.
The hypnotherapist asked who I wanted to call in, and I answered, “My family”. I got emotional as my family arrived; the same tall, elegant, and loving beings who I had seen in the after-life. They looked taller than the average human, they looked magestic in their stature, they had a wing that started from the head, and attached to the arms, and down to the feet. The shape of their face resembled that of a lion - althought more narrow. I said to the student hypnotherapist, “I miss them so much.”
“The heart was not real”, they said. “That heart, in that life, was not real. That life was not real. You did not lose your heart. You always have your heart. We are always with you”, they reassured me. I felt a huge release in that moment as I sobbed. When I ‘came back’ from that session, I was surprised by my intense emotions and longing for a family and a home that is not of this world.
I also felt an expansiveness in my heart space that I had not felt before. I also noticed a tremendous amount of air flowing through me as I breathed so deeply and clearly – like my whole body was breathing in and out. It felt exhilarating. It felt like freedom.
Up until that point, I had been drawing different versions of my heart space; always within the merkaba (or star tetrahedron), drawn in the 2D version. Each version would get clearer and more precise; and I soon started to see the correlation of the healing taking place in my own heart space. The deeper my connection, the clearer my vision.
Within the star, I found the shape of the heart – one going down and the other going up – overlapping to create two eyes. The bottom heart, in red, representing our physical heart and the top heart, in pink, representing our ‘higher heart’. The green surrounding the star represents Earth. I added the purple triangles to represent our inner listening. As we connect to our heart space we hear and see more clearly. The more connected we are the more access we have to truth and inherent wisdom.
The image captures our expanding awareness within our third dimensional reality. We are learning to see through our heart space, discerning truth more clearly; and listening and trusting our own truth. Tuning in to our heart space is what grounds us in the present moment and helps us reorient ourselves when we may be feeling out of balance or not connected with our Self.
Healing the Wound of Separation
A few months after I had the past life regression, in 2017, I then had a Life between Life session with the same hypnotherapist. One of the things that I learned in that session is that I had blocked my third eye on purpose. When my spirit guides said, “It is time now to unblock it”, I got emotional because I didn’t want to, but I knew it was time. I did not understand back then why I felt emotional with a sense of resistance. I had already been opening up to my intuitive abilities so I found it interesting that I knew something that I was not consciously aware of yet. I did not understand why I would get so emotional about unblocking my third eye.
I was yet to experience what it truly meant to be ‘connected’ with conscious awareness; and the great responsibility that comes with being aware of all you say, do, think, and write; and the immediate impact it can have on your reality. While spiritual awakening can be incredibly rewarding, it is also one of the hardest transitions we can go through in life.
For me, the ‘third eye’ is related to the expansion of our heart space – of our consciousness. It is an awareness that goes beyond the six senses; and it is an awareness that is infinite and unable to be described because it is always changing and expanding. Even when we are experiencing it, there are no words that can match the feeling of that experience. When we are ‘connected’ we are continuously guided on our path and the key is to listen.
We may start our journey relying on a guru, a healer, or a mentor, but eventually we learn to listen to our Self because everything around us is speaking to us as we ask the questions or think of the ideas – whether it is the birds, the air, the friend, the stranger – we are all communicating because we are all connected. I see us all going through similar journeys as we create our reality on an individual and collected level; and each journey is so uniquely important and personal.
Learning To Let Go: Earth is changing, we are changing.
Time and time again I am being called to go back within for the answers and to stop looking for external validation – to stop conforming to the way I was taught or to the way we were taught throughout the centuries.
As we expand in our awareness so will all things that we have created; and so too will all the known structures in our lives start to change. It is already happening all around us, but we may resist or we may blame others. When there is so much change happening around us; it is then that we must go within and connect to our core essence in order to reorient ourselves back to the present moment, into our heart space, in order to understand, accept, and surrender to what we know to be true.
I have positive and happy memories of my family and life as a child. My parents experienced challenges as many families do, but overall it was a happy childhood; so why did I miss and long for another home and another family I have only recently become aware of?
My personal experiences have taught me that there is no ‘after-life’. I know I am that ‘other’ family in a different reality or dimensional space; a consciousness that also resides within me. Like them, there are many others (families) that I am remembering as well.
It is hard enough to think of ourselves, as humans, as a collective group of beings as one consciousness – let alone the myriad of other consciousness (energies) that resides within each and every one of us. I certainly find it challenging as I live my daily life; while trying to ground and embody all I see, feel, and do; especially on the days I do the school run!
Everyday my children (ages 3 & 6) remind me of my humanity as they mirror back my growth and wisdom but also all the emotional triggers that come up to be healed. Our traumas come back to us in cycles in order to look at them from the many perspectives; as we heal the different vibrations of where the trauma resides. As we heal one layer, we may find that there may be a similar vibrational trauma we never knew we carried via our ancestral and cosmic lineages; or within our individual and collective traumas.
In this life, I am learning to connect with my heart space – my essence – without fear. The heart is my gateway and it is existing ad infinitum and it cannot be taken away. I believe that freedom is when we can look at everything in our life, knowing that we chose all of it, and feel a sense of gratitude and unconditional love towards our Self for the choices we made. Loving our Self is at the heart of it ALL, and it naturally extends to all others; and not just to our fellow human brothers and sisters; but also to our environment, our planet, and our universe.
I now know that I am healing trauma from a life that is not real in order to learn to connect with my heart space without fear. Why is this important? Trauma is so complex (understatement of the year!). It certainly feels real when we are going through it; when we are triggered again and again – throughout our life, lives, and lifetimes – whether they are incarnations or imprints – incarnations on Earth or off planet; imprints we carry through our ancestors or borrow from others to learn. If we haven’t healed from it, it is real.
I chose to carry a trauma of a life as an imprint on my soul so I can learn from it. Whose trauma did I start healing in 2017? How curious that in 1987 by parents went away for the first time on holiday for 10 days without the children, in September, the same month of the retreat. Whose wisdom am I remembering? What family am I integrating? What connection am I searching for? What identities am I healing and letting go of? More importantly, how much space am I creating within so I can step more fully into my true essence?
Right now, it seems that I am learning what it feels like to disconnect from my heart space through a traumatic event, in another life, at the age of 10, which was triggered at the age of 10 in this life; to then re-member it 30 years later. One thing I can say for sure: I am certainly learning how it feels to integrate inter-dimensional spiritual healing into third dimensional human reality!
Expansion and Freedom
After the healing experience I had at the hypnotherapy course with my family, I looked at The Eyes of Love (image above) and I started to feel trapped and confined within the angles and the many perspectives. I felt like breaking free. I was trying to portray my heart space within a structure that I had learned (externally), not one that I had experienced from within.
I feel most comfortable in my expansive heart space where all is curved with no angles. I do not see my heart space as red, pink or green! When I connect, I see blue. The human form is one of many within layers and layers of dimensional spaces. We are so many forms, yet we are also none of these forms.
The following drawing (below), titled The Formless Within The Form, is how freedom feels and looks like to me when I connect to my heart space, when I connect to my universe, when I connect to my family and when I heal trauma. Freedom feels infinite – ever expanding and changing. I wonder what freedom will look like tomorrow?
*All artwork created by Yassica Ferrer using acrylic paint and gold leaf.
Mallon, Brenda, The Mystic Symbols: A Complete Guide To Magic and Sacred Signs and Symbols, (Octopus Publishing Group Ltd, 2007), p.14. [↩]
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